Note. This was found in the Web page
But it disappears often... Good thing I kept a copy. Here it is:
- One word: hair
- More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined.
- Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
- Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.
- Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
- Keeps her First Officer properly in the dark.
- Can speak "technobabble" with the best of them.
- Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship -- yet.
- Picard could never act like a prostitute to gain a tactical
- Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 1/2
- Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to admit
they're lost and pull over for directions.
- Hasn't quoted Shakespeare -- yet.
- Looks better in sleepwear.
- Gives guilt trips that would make a Jewish mother proud.
- Isn't French with an English accent.
- "Take this cheese to sickbay!" I don't know why this is here, either,
but I loved that line!
- Will give you two days off to ponder your lifeshattering experience.
- When Janeway lands her ship, it can take off again.
- Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying to
convince them to behave better.
- To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly way.
Picard sings a song...in French...about a monk...who can't wake up
for morning bells.
- The only child on Voyager is a cute little thing with horns.
- Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo.
- Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her way
- She doesn't have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way.
- Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles.
- Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead of trying
to weasle her way out of it with philosophical ramblings.
- 40 episodes without surrendering the ship.
- 40 episodes and Wesley has yet to save the ship.
- Janeway's holo programs create useful things like doctors and lungs.
Picard's holodecks create maniacal evil geniouses who yet again take over
- She doesn't need to straighten her uniform every time she stands.
- Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood
Forest. However, if she did, she would look fantastic!
- Same level of sexual tension between Doctor and Captain.
- Has kids and they're cute little things.
- Never worries about meeting a son she never knew she had.
- Kirk looked good in ripped shirts; Picard looked good without a shirt;
Janeway would look... no, they can't do that on network television.
- Doesn't force her crew to wear awful outfits, unless it is to blend in
with a primitive planet.
- She doesn't waste time learning foreign languages. All
lifeforms in the Delta Quadrant speak perfect English.
- Her engineer does not wear a bananna clip over her eyes.
- Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments.
- Doesn't have a Counselor on board (thank God!).
- Her telepath only lives nine years.
- Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman) has gone
before" and took them to the extreme.
- 45,000 light-years is one thing. Every point in the universe
instantaneously? That's excessive!
- Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will one day come to
a greater understanding." Janeway threatens them with "the deadliest of
- Janeway's holo-characters fall in love with her. Picard's
holo-characters want to kill him.
- Janeway's Security Chief would never grow a ponytail.
- The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that only Worf
- Janeway doesn't have to point which way to go when they set off.
- Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess Leia.
- Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, "Boy, Paris, are
YOU ever stupid."
- Doesn't need her first officer's permission to blow up her ship.
- The highest field commision Picard ever gave out was "Acting Ensign."
- Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese. I can't help myself!
- Hugs her Vulcan from time to time.
- Has a more manly voice.
- Doesn't have a starship that splits in half when it's in a tight spot.
- Has a dog and a significant other, not some damn fish!
- Had sex with a crewmember and "might have initiated it."
- Kes. Troi. No contest.
- Nealix. Replicator. Ok, this one's debatable.
- At least she doesn't have to yell "Hot!" at her cook every time she wants
something to drink.
- Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles.
- Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy.
- Her CONN officer can use contractions.
- Her first officer has a halucinogenic device.
- Her Security Officer draws his phaser at the first hint of
trouble. Picard's Security Officer gets beat up by
half the aliens that come aboard.
- Hostile aliens surrounding her, half the crew are spies,
the nearest help is 75 years away, and she's still kept the ship
- None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over the ship,
invade the Federation, steal a starship, or enslave all humankind.
- To help her relax, Janeway's first officer helps her contact her spirit
guide. Picard's first officer helps him get . . . to Risa.
- Riker never smiled at Picard that way.
- Q asked Janeway to run away with him and she refused. Q asked Picard's
girlfriend to run away with him and she accepted.
This list was created by Gerard Monsen (firstname.lastname@example.org). If you have any
suggestions, please e-mail them to me. The master list is held at
I would like to thank the following
people for their contributions:
(1) Karyn Lou, KarynLou@aol.com
(2) Richard Hanson
(3) Davide Hawkins, email@example.com
(4) Dee Elling, firstname.lastname@example.org
(5) Jeffrey K. Stier
(6) "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Captain Kirk is Better Than Captain Picard" by
Hemi and the Frakmaster
(7) "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Captain Picard is Better Than Captain Kirk" by
the Patrick Stewart Estrogen Brigade (I didn't make this up).
(8) "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Cmmdr. Sisko is Better Than Both of 'Em!" by
(9) Matthew Carlton, email@example.com
(10) Randy Patton, Randy.Patton@vt.edu
(11) Terry Arzola, firstname.lastname@example.org
(12) Seth Dilday, email@example.com
(13) Mikael G. Haxby, firstname.lastname@example.org
(14) James Railton, Jeannie.Dickie@cyberstore.ca
(15) Merv Sutai - Jare'achan, MarvMerv@warwick.net
(16) Joyce Harmon, email@example.com
(17) Becky Jarosynski, firstname.lastname@example.org
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